“I’m 16. I should get to decide.”
It is a sentence plenty of divorced parents have probably heard, or expect to hear, from their children.
And somewhere along the way, a popular idea developed that once a child reaches a certain age, they get to choose which parent they want to live with. Maybe you have heard it is 12, or maybe14, but in Florida, there is no magic birthday when your child suddenly gets to make that decision.
So, Is There an Age When My Child Gets to Choose?
No. Florida law does not establish a specific age at which a minor child gets to decide which parent they will live with or how much time they will spend with each parent. Instead, Florida courts make parenting and time-sharing decisions based on the best interests of the child.
To determine those best interests, courts consider several factors. One of them is the child's reasonable preference, as long as the court determines that the child has sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express one.
So, your child's opinion may matter, but there is no age at which that opinion automatically controls the outcome.
Does My Child's Age Matter at All?
Yes, just not in the way many people assume.
Think about the difference between a 6-year-old saying, “I want to live with Dad because he lets me stay up later,” and a 16-year-old explaining that one parent's home allows them to remain at the same school, participate in their extracurricular activities, and maintain an established routine.
Age can provide context, but so can the reasoning behind the preference and the circumstances surrounding it.
What Else Does the Court Consider?
Quite a lot. Florida law requires courts to evaluate factors affecting the child's welfare and the circumstances of that particular family.
Those factors include the stability of the child's current environment, the child's home, school, and community record, each parent's ability to provide a consistent routine, each parent's involvement in school and extracurricular activities, and the developmental needs of the child.
The court can also consider each parent's willingness to encourage a relationship between the child and the other parent.
This is why a child's preference cannot be viewed in isolation. A teenager may have a perfectly understandable reason for wanting a particular arrangement, but the court is looking at the child's life as a whole.
Be Careful About Putting Your Child in the Middle
Divorce can get heated. When you are frustrated with your spouse, worried about losing time with your child, or convinced that you know what arrangement would be best, it can be tempting to bring your child into the conversation. Maybe it sounds like: “Tell them you want to stay with Mommy.” Or:
“Make sure you tell the judge what your dad has been doing.”
To a parent, those comments might feel like encouragement to tell the truth. To a child, they can feel like something very different.
Suddenly, the child may feel responsible for choosing between two people they love. They may worry that saying the wrong thing will hurt one parent's feelings, make the divorce worse, or even determine whether they continue seeing one of their parents.
That is a tremendous amount of pressure to place on a child.
Divorce can already bring major changes to a child's life. Even when parents are doing everything they can to make the transition easier, children may still experience uncertainty, fear, or stress about what their family will look like next. Adding the feeling that they need to take a side can make an already difficult transition even harder.
Florida law recognizes the importance of keeping children out of that conflict. When determining a child's best interests, courts can consider each parent's ability to protect the child from the ongoing litigation, including whether a parent discusses the case with the child or makes disparaging comments about the other parent.
There is a difference between creating a safe space for your child to express how they genuinely feel and telling them what you want them to say. Your child deserves the first without being burdened by the second.
What If My Teenager Refuses to Follow the Parenting Plan?
Of course, knowing what the court order says does not always make parenting a teenager simple. A 16-year-old who strongly refuses to go to the other parent's house presents a very different practical challenge than a young child who does not want to leave because they are having fun. But a teenager's refusal does not automatically rewrite an existing court ordered parenting plan.
If circumstances have changed significantly enough that the current arrangement is no longer working for your family, it may be time to determine whether the parenting plan should be legally modified rather than simply abandoning the existing schedule.
Under Florida law, modifying a parenting plan generally requires a substantial and material change in circumstances and a finding that the modification would be in the child's best interests.
How We Can Help
At Good Life Legal, we help Florida families navigate parenting plans and time-sharing issues while keeping sight of the people most affected by those decisions. If your child's preferences have become part of your divorce or your current parenting plan is no longer working for your family, understanding how Florida law approaches these issues can help you determine what comes next.
If you are thinking about divorce in Florida, we can help you find out whether we are the right fit. Call us at 850-362-7228, or complete the form on our website and we will call you.
Written by Sophia Thephasdin. Reviewed for legal accuracy by Matthew Ausley, Attorney.